He is faithful.

this has been such a whirlwind summer of pouring into people that i've not taken enough time for me to spend with Jesus-- being refreshed & strengthened in Him.

there. i said it.

it hurts to admit that... because i like to adopt this mentality that i can sustain this kind of lifestyle on my own. but that's so, so prideful and the Lord has to break me of it over and over again. mostly by bringing me to the end of myself so that i fall prostrate at His feet.

amidst a constant flow of travel, work & serving, i have spent time with the Lord & sought to do everything through his strength & will... but it's always been on the go; bits here & there.  i have not spent long amounts of time with Him or allowed people to pour into me. and that is so important. Jesus often refreshes/strengthens us by using other people just as much as He uses communion with Him to accomplish that.

the seedlings of truth and life that He is continually planting in my soul need watered and cared for just as much as He is using me to help care for the seedlings in the lives around me. (i've also been so convicted lately about how He doesn't NEED any of us but yet He still chooses to use us. but that's for a whole other post:))

earlier, after a long day of pouring into people, working & planning, i began my drive home and thought how nice it would be to go to a bible study or worship time that i *wasn't* helping to lead, just to spend time worshipping Jesus and fellowshipping. and it dawned on me that the bible study i went to with my brother before he moved was meeting tonight and after almost two months of being invited back and not being able to make it, i was actually going to get home in time to go! just as i was getting excited about this, i get a call saying i need to watch the chillens while mama & daddy go to their bible study.
 it felt like someone punctured my inner tube and i slowly deflated. here i was, after 2 months of hit & miss church attendance (due to travel) and snatches of fellowship + time with the Lord but very little worship time with other believers and my opportunity to go got pulled out from under me.
i really struggled with that the rest of the drive home. "Lord! i just wanted to spend time worshipping you and now you ask me to serve again! i'm tired, Lord! if i have to take care of chillens again today, i'm likely to be irritable and that won't help anything. why God? why?"
 and then i was reminded that this was exactly what i had been praying for the night before. to learn to serve & love my family well in the little time each week that i am with them. funny how we ask God for things and then whine & fuss when He gives them to us.
 and i was also reminded of how faithfully He has brought people into my life each week to encourage my soul & spend time in prayer & praise even though i haven't had many opportunities to take part in a time of complete worship. He IS caring for me!

so here i am. one full game of slightly turbulent kick ball behind me and 5 showered chillens tucked in bed, and it dawns on me that it's been such a long time since i've searched out some good worship music... and why can't i just sit here and have a worship service? me and God.

these are some of my all time favorite verses that always encourage my heart to PRESS ON.
"come, let us return to the Lord; for He has torn us, that He may heal us. He has struck us down, and He will bind us up. Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; His going out is sure as the dawn: He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." hosea 6:1,3

even in my weakness, HE is faithful. i must boast in the Lord!

oh and that new worship playlist? set it on shuffle :)