it's gorgeous out (my favorite kind of weather) & i got to spend almost the whole day with my brother (which is a rarity). we hung out in one of my favorite parts of downtown & he took me to lunch. {side note> why am i just finding out that he & i are kindred spirits? seriously. and as far as clients go... he's definitely in sync with my ideal client profile:)} we enjoyed some yummy food at outdoor tables in the sun while talking about current life events & the summer to come. then he made my job super easy as we walked around taking his senior pictures. i even got to show him around "my part of town"-- the community i love & the place i get to serve. and then to wrap things up, i got to go to church with him and meet some of his friends. absolutely wonderful.
yet at the same time, i've had a knot in the pit of my stomach all day & all i've want to do is have a good cry. my juxtaposed emotions have nothing to do with johann or what we did but they've been there regardless. all day i have been incredibly thankful for the opportunity to spend time with him so instead i've done what i'm best at and hidden my need to cry behind laughter & a smile. and much of those smiles were genuine because really, we had such a great day together... it's just hard to keep it up when struggling with other things.
see what i mean? i am fighting against all these old feelings because there are an incredible amount of blessings in my life right now that completely outweigh everything else and it stinks to have the mixed feelings butting heads so sorely!! boo.
above it all >>> i am so thankful that Jesus is the HEALER of my soul. the HEALER of my heart. yes my heart hurts, but life would be a whole lot worse right now if he wasn't my healer... and i keep clinging to his promises, knowing that he will comfort me & give me clear direction each step of the way.
forgive me for being a downer today. but i pray that even through this broken hurt of mine, there's a glimmer (or hopefully a strong beam) of JESUS and the marvelous redeeming savior that he is.
i've always loved these verses from isaiah but the other day, i saw them in a completely new way and i haven't been able to get them out of my mind since. if you can, take a few moments to really think through them.
"For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected[b] by men;
a man of sorrows,[c] and acquainted with[d] grief;[e]
and as one from whom men hide their faces[f]
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected[b] by men;
a man of sorrows,[c] and acquainted with[d] grief;[e]
and as one from whom men hide their faces[f]
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
upon HIM was the chastisement that brought US PEACE, and with HIS wounds WE are HEALED. wow. i am healed by HIS brokenness.
lovelovelove this song right now>> "you satisfy my soul" by laura hackett.
"our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses & disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures." >> joseph addison
"fling wide the doors to my soul. have your way Lord, have your way." >>misty edwards
"nothing worth having is easy. anything worth working for is worth the difficulties." >> c.s. lewis
"every experience God gives us, every person he puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only he can see." >> corrie ten boom
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